Thursday, May 22, 2008

I Suck

This weekend is the Bolder Boulder and I’m not going to be there. Another goal unaccomplished.

I was doing well, following the schedule, making the sacrifices. Then it just caught up with me and now I’m finding myself a couple months behind on the training schedule with a growing sense that I’ve plateaued. It’s so frustrating to feel like you aren’t improving at all. I’m currently on the run 25 minutes section. Sounds easy enough, but it totally blows.

Part of the problem is that I need to find a good place to run that I enjoy. Currently, I either run on the treadmill or the track at the rec center and that track is really just the periphery of the basketball court, so it takes like 17 laps to run a mile. The goal now is to get to a point where running isn’t such a big deal. I have friends who feel so good after they’ve worked out. The stress is relieved, their heads are cleared. They even set aside large chunks of their Saturdays (and get up early WILLINGLY!) to get out there and hit it hard. Not me. If anything, the stress to keep going and not start walking is so great that it makes it hard to go. For me, it’s just a big anxiety attack.

I’m going to stick to the schedule and see where I end up. One of the issues with this program is that you’re meant to run 5 times a week, and I’m usually able to get out about 3. Maybe by next year I will have figured this out. It would be nice to be able to do 5-6 miles and have that become the norm or the minimum. Of course, I’ve had that goal for about 10 years now and the closest I got was like 3. This feels like one of those riddles that, if I could just crack it (like understanding the stock market or computers), my life would be simpler and more meaningful if, for no other reason, than I’ve tackled one of the truly crippling obstacles of my life.

One of my favorite quotes is “The things we want most in life are just beyond the things we’re most afraid of”. I’m doomed by this concept.


Farrah said...

You can do it. I won't let you stop!!!! Even if you don't love running, just think about how good you feel after you lose 3 lbs. in a week. Nothing else will do that for you like running.

AnnieB said...

You don't suck, you're normal.
People who ENJOY running are a freak of nature! I truly envy them...