Sunday, June 15, 2008

Going Goetz

I remember some friends of our family telling me a story once about how they would shoot raccoons and squirrels in their backyard with a BB gun. The image of the dad and sons sitting quietly inside the house with the lights out, gun aimed through a crack in the window, looking to paralyze some trespassing rodent has always stuck with me. I’m about to pull the same stakeout.

In honor of the heroic Bernhard Goetz, I’m about to exercise my right to rid the world of annoying things by camping out in my kitchen with a gun (if I had one) and shoot the wheels of the next car that drives by with a loud stereo and thumping bass. The only thing keeping me from going to Wal-mart and getting a firearm, is that if I shoot out the tires, the car will then be stuck in front of my house making that ridiculous racket.

When will these people grow up? I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate me camping out on the street in front of their residence and blare Puccini at ear-splitting decibels. Yet, I feel it’s my right to defend myself thusly. I wonder if a BB to the tire might serve as a message, like a bullet to the knee, meant to cripple the enemy and send a message.

Luckily, it doesn’t happen all the time. But, we live in a pretty diverse neighborhood (which I like most of the time), so they do drive by about once a day or so. The other day, the bass set off someone’s car alarm, trading one annoyance for another.

I say everyone who shares the hate, tricks out their cars, blasts the Beethoven, and drives through some of the areas where the offenders may live. They have it coming.

1 comment:

AnnieB said...

I'm in! We need a gang name and a secret handshake. I'll come up with our logo and then we can spray paint it on all of their beautiful buildings too...
Was that...? Hmm. I'm sorry!
P.S. I love that you have celebrities posting on your blog! I've heard that they google themselves to see what people say about them. You're officially cool! I posted about you by the way...