I'd Like a Side of Bacon

Has a more likable actor made more inconsequential movies than Kevin Bacon? Always a welcome presence in any film, he’s managed to have a career by being both noticeable and invisible at the same time. Does anyone not like Kev? Of course not. Does anyone care if he has a movie coming out? Of course not.

The first and last time crowds lined up for a Bacon flick was Footloose, 25 years ago. He’s smart enough to catch onto this because he rarely headlines big studio films anymore, the last one being last year’s bizarrely terrible Death Sentence and before that was way back in 2001 with Hollow Man. Anything he leads doesn’t really make money, so it seems he’s content to be a supporter, which is a role he’s suited for.

He doesn’t realize this, but he’s not a great actor. He’s good, and he has, not charisma, but a natural affability that is never off-putting. It’s only when he tries to act that he shoots himself in the foot, which is probably why he hasn’t taken a demanding role in nearly 20 years. He lacks range, which is the hallmark of any great actor. But, he is serviceable in drama or comedy, as long as neither is too broad, which is probably why he gets cast in important films like JFK, A Few Good Men, Apollo 13, and Mystic River, but none of those are good because of him (although he ALWAYS saves a film from totally sucking), nor were they hits thanks to his chutzpah. That isn’t a bad career actually, reap the benefits, but never be blamed when something fails.

Have you ever been in a social situation where you didn’t know anyone, except for maybe one person and you only sort of know them, but you cling to them and chat away because they’re a safe beacon compared to standing alone? Think a work happy hour, or your in-law’s family reunion, or when you had to break into teams in a class you didn’t have any friends in. He’s that guy. He’s the good guy that’s a safe bet. He’s the guy that, if you were forced to carpool with him, it wouldn’t be too bad and you could probably share a couple good laughs. He’s the theatrical equivalent of a Chris Isaak. Some hits early on, now he just goes about doing his thing without bothering anybody. It's almost always good. Nobody minds, some are pleased to hear from him again, but it isn’t causing ripples anywhere.

He just turned 50, so he isn’t growing old tragically like John Cusack, or a past his prime blowhard like Kevin Costner, or over-exposed like Samuel L. Jackson. He just is and nobody minds or notices.

I wish him the best, I really do. He could have small roles in every movie for all I care. He has no shtick that gets old or anything. The poor guy is just going to have a career like a blue collar factory worker. Punch the clock day after day. Do your best. Don’t bother anyone and no one bothers you. Live a good life, but maybe only make a lasting impression on those that know you best, even if people in general are grateful for the service you render.

Incidentally, he has an even less notable music career fronting the Bacon Brothers. In fact, they were on Craig Ferguson the other night and weren't half bad. But, much like his movies, I wish him well, but I'm not buying the album. The rub is, I hate myself for feeling that way. He was in Footloose for crying out loud! I'll say it again, who doesn't like Kev?!

Lost Gem of the 80s #14: Glen Burtnick - "Talking In Code" (1986)

I’m going to coin a new musical genre right here: "Stallone Music". These are songs or sounds often heard during action sequences or training montages featured prominently during Sly’s 80s heyday of films such as Rocky 2,3, and 4, Cobra, Over the Top, Tango and Cash and the Rambo movies. The obvious pioneer of this genre is Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger”, we all know that one. But, it’s augmented by the likes of Kenny Loggins, Sammy Hagar, Asia, Eddie Money and the unforgettable John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. Many other performers can be lumped into this group based on sharing similar DNA. Glen Burtnick is one of those guys.

Despite being a top-notch 80s songwriter, Glen was doomed from the start by being cursed with the surname Burtnick. Chicks don’t put posters of a guy named Burtnick on their wall (although they forgave Ralph Macchio, so maybe I’m wrong). Guys don’t grow up wanting to rock like Burtnick. Women don’t want to sleep with Burtnick, and Rocky is not going to spar with Apollo to a Burtnick. So, this minimizes your possibilities greatly.

Secondly, as I mentioned, he was a good songwriter for the 80s. His stuff could only truly come to life under the façade of era-specific production. In other words, Glen performing his hits acoustically in a coffee shop is not where you want to experience him (even though I’m sure he’s out there looking for that exact gig as you read this).

And, lastly, he had the kind of high registered, nasally voice and slim frame of a kid who was picked on in school, grew a mullet upon graduation, had a knack for snappy pop songs, and morphed into a rock star while those who knew him, knew the truth.

Now, why should you listen to him? Because he’s fun. Because he had the goods, even if it was never fully acknowledged. His songs are catchy and, while never used, tailor-made for 80s cinema. Stallone film soundtracks had to straddle a very fine line between machismo and sensitivity. If you were too macho (Van Halen) or wussy (Journey) you weren’t invited to the party. The template was simple: crunchy guitars to please the boys and some sweeping synths for the ladies. This was the world inhabited by Foreigner, Loverboy, and Jeff Healy. This is a world we all secretly love. This is a world we think about when we’regrinding it out on the treadmill. This is a world we miss.

Sadly, Glen never really had a hit. There might be a song here or there that sounds vaguely familiar, but that’s it. His albums are all out of print and hard to find, and his live shows have been relegated to local bars and maybe a county fair if he’s lucky. And, to make matters worse, I can’t find a youtube clip of the best song on Talking In Code, “Crank It Up” (again, only in the 80s did that phrase even sound menacing). There isn’t much out there (“Little Red House” has a video posted, but isn’t the best example of what I’m talking about). The best clip to satiate your curiosity (I know you’re dying), would be for his modest hit “Follow You” off the album that came after Code, Heroes & Zeroes.

So, next time you decide to rip the sleeves off your t-shirt, grow your hair long, test drive a Trans Am, or throw on an acid washed denim jacket, let Glen be your soundtrack. He’s good enough and, Lord knows, he could probably use the work.

The Nugget - "Crank It Up" The link has snippets of all the tracks, so you'll get the idea. This is what should have been playing when Sly was looking for the strength to work that crazy move on the other arm wrestlers in Over The Top.

Lost Gem of the 80s #13: Philip Oakey & Giorgio Moroder - st (1985)

Consider the year, 1985. The Human League were one of the hottest bands in the world with several top 10 hits under their belt and were pioneers of the synth-pop sound that epitomized the early 80s. One would think that a collaboration between lead singer Philip Oakey and legendary disco architect Giorgio Moroder (producer for Donna Summer, Oscar winner for Flashdance and Midnight Express) would birth some cutting edge dance and club music. Instead, it produced a good, lost Human League album.

There is virtually no difference in style between this self-titled cd and the hits the League were churning out at the time. The only remotely noticeable one is the absence of HL back-up singers Susan and Joanne. However, some songs on the album do feature female backing vocals that could easily be interchangeable with theirs. One noticeable voice on “Be My Lover Now” is the unmistakable E.G. Daly. You’d know her from acting in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and Valley Girl, and also the soundtracks to Breakfast Club and Better Off Dead (she’s the singer at the school dance). Philip’s baritone is at its usual peak. What a cool, strange instrument that voice is. Dare I say, it sounds a little like if Johnny Cash were British and used synthesizers?

This album sparked no hits at the time and has been out of print and long forgotten until a few months ago when it was reissued with bonus tracks in a new cleaned up mix. If it is known at all, it’s for being the home of “(Together In) Electric Dreams” from the film of the same name, a sort of cult classic and the song the League close out every live show with. It appears on most HL greatest hits packages, even though it is not “officially” an HL track, so it’s easy to assume it was theirs all along. It’s a great song that endures to this day.

Human League are like the Hall & Oates of synth pop. There is no mistaking their pop sensibility and the hits from back in the day are still beloved and strong. The question is whether listeners discount them as being relics of the past, or momentary genius’s that added much to the pop canon. I tend to be one of the latter and love them both more today than ever. While Phil and Giorgio’s collabo isn’t essential, it is a much appreciated missing piece for those with a soft spot for the HL sound. The songs are great and familiar, just as all great pop music should be. If you have an ear that's tuned to synth-pop and are adventurous enough to look beyond the hits, you'll love it.

The Nugget - "Goodbye Bad Times". Of all the singles, it holds up the best.

Nothing To Crowe About

I was asked about 5 years ago who my idol was. This was in church, so I’m sure people were expecting me to say Jesus or Paul or Ammon or some other scriptural figure. My answer was actually Cameron Crowe. To me, no one’s career has mirrored my exact hopes and dreams like his.

Some background. He starts out writing for Rolling Stone at 15. Eventually writes the book Fast Times At Ridgemont High, then the movie. After it’s a success, he’s given carte blanche to begin writing and directing his screenplays, which have become some of the most beloved American films of the last 25 years including Say Anything, Jerry Maguire and Almost Famous. Not only are these films great, but they tap into the psyche of a generation, often putting words to thoughts that we all have but can’t articulate. He’s both smart and emotional and wears his interests on his sleeve (rock music, sports, girls, sex and rock music). He’s also married to a rock star (Nancy Wilson of Heart), an author (“Conversations With Wilder”) and an Oscar winner (Almost Famous). Yep, that’s the life right there. Cure cancer and you’re done.

However, around 2001 things started to come off the rails. That was the year Vanilla Sky came out. The remake of a Spanish film about a rich, womanizer starring Tom Cruise, who may or may not be dying after a car crash and being haunted by delusions, was a severe misstep. It made money and some applauded it’s daring, but it was so far removed from the “Crowe Style” that it left many fans confused, disappointed and lost.

So, he comes back with Elizabethtown which, if you can imagine, might be worse. With a flaccid lead performance by Orlando Bloom, “Etown”, not only stunk, it failed to make any money, making for his first big bomb (Almost Famous had been a financial disappointment, but was critically praised universally). From what I’ve read, the crush of “Etown” left him confused, disappointed and lost as well. If you check his website, it says he’s currently working on his next screenplay, but there is no sign anywhere as to what it is or how close he is to finishing it. My feeling is, he’s completely lost his mojo.

Which brings me to the real problem, which is that the “Crowe Style” has been improved upon by Judd Apatow. Like Nirvana did to bands like Poison, the “Apatow Style” of Peter Pan-like slackers smoking pot, hanging out and watching porn featured in films like 40 Year Old Virgin, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, and Pineapple Express speaks to this generation in a way that makes Crowe seem dated and out of style. Since the Crowe business model was already beginning to lapse, all signs point now that the one-time voice of a generation may be on the brink of irrelevancy.

What’s funny is that Crowe’s Jeff Spicoli, played by Sean Penn in “Fast Times”, is the blueprint for the modern day versions like Seth Rogan in Knocked Up. Seth could even be the grown up version of Curtis, Jeff’s little brother (“Dad says you better get up, you butthole!”). Still, the sad fact is Cameron is not likely to regain his former perceptive wit and writing because of a lack of confidence and, even if he was close, people don’t talk like him anymore. They’ve been dumbed down, yet enlightened. They know more and think less. This is not Crowe’s world. Adolescence will never change and always remain the ugliest part of life, but the way we talk about it will continue to evolve. Cameron Crowe may not be able to rejoin the conversation and, sadly, without anything profound to say, his films suffer mightily.

Lost Gem of the 80s #4: Some Kind of Wonderful - Soundtrack (1986)

Hopefully, you've voted in the poll on the right. It's one of the most important questions of our generation. (I am shocked, SHOCKED, Ferris is in first and BC in last. I would have totally had that reversed). My vote went to Some Kind Of Wonderful, but when I think about why, I come back to the soundtrack. Much of my affection for the film comes from my appreciation for the mood and attitude created by the songs.

The soundtrack is a collection of songs by mostly underground bands you've probably never heard of. The biggest names are the Jesus and Mary Chain (oddly the most forgettable song on the album, though still a good one), and maybe Pete Shelley (Buzzcocks lead singer) and Stephen "Tin Tin" Duffy (an early member of Duran Duran, and sort of successful solo artist), but only die hards would know who those two are. The beauty of the album is in the strength of the tunes. While they do sound unmistakably 80s, they also sound like the best the 80s underground had to offer. It manages to sound of its time, but never dated.

There was one modest hit in Flesh For Lulu's "I Go Crazy" which is still one of the greatest new wave singles of the era. Chances are you know it and don't know you know it. The rest are all mysteries with names like the March Violets, Furniture, Lick the Tins, and Apartments. It would be interesting to research each of their output beyond this soundtrack because all of it is solid. The Lick the Tins track is especially cool, a sort of Irish hootenanny version of "Can't Help Falling In Love". It starts with some Burumbi drums, then introduces one of those Irish whistles, and then the lead singer's baby girl voice. Before it ends, you get fiddles and a Pogues-like jam erupts. Genius. Another song, "Cry Like This" by Blue Room, sounds like an eerie version of "Lady In Red". That doesn't sound cool, but it is.

Sadly, two of the best songs in the film don't appear on the album for some reason. Both Propaganda's "Dr. Mabuse" and Charlie Sexton's "Beat's So Lonely" are missing. Shame since they would have complimented what is there wonderfully.

Still, this remains a near perfect sampler of 80s underground new wave. It deserves to sit in a time capsule for discovery by future generations.

The Nugget - "I Go Crazy". It's the hit that deserves to whet your appetite.