Movie Wrap-Up

Smart People
It should be called Smartass People since no one really talks like this. Or else they do, but I’m not smart enough to be around them. Someone gets called a “misanthrope” in all seriousness, and people say “But, I digress” with straight faces. You know you’re watching characatures of smart people, or smart people that are created by not-as-smart people.

I was hoping to see a Woody Allen-like movie, or maybe something like the excellent Wonder Boys, but not even close. Dennis Quaid, one of the most likable actors around, severely overplays his underplaying and never sounds like he’s living in his role. Thomas Haden Church is a scene stealer, but never acts or reacts like normal people do. But, then again, these are Smart People, not Normal People. SJP is fine, as she’s the only one that seems the least bit natural.

Which brings us to Ellen Page, who is on the cusp of becoming the next Kevin Spacey. She’s recycling that Juno snarky sarcasm and comes dangerously close to self-parody. Everyone loved Kevin, until they realized the guy does the same arrogant prick in every movie and now he can barely get a job. Ellen needs to seriously change things up or else she’ll find herself in the same boat.

Score: 4

Drillbit Taylor
I’ve become a sucker for the Apatow name accompanying a movie, which seems to happen every other weekend these days. Most of them are a lot of fun. He’s pretty much outdoing Cameron Crowe these days. So, I hoped Drillbit Taylor would be mildly entertaining and that’s about as good as it got, mildly.

Honestly, the film is a nonsensical mess. Too bad it was written by Seth Rogan from a supposed scrapped idea by John Hughes. You’d think it would be a can’t miss. But, it doesn’t make much sense and is only occasionally funny. He’s homeless and duping some kids to make enough money to take off to Mexico or something. Does it matter? Not really.

For some reason, I give Owen Wilson a long leash. He doesn’t make very many good movies, but I still go and enjoy his attitude and screen presence. So, admittedly, I have a soft spot for junk like this, even if I hold out hope that it’s going to be better, knowing full well it never will be.

Score: 4

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Another Apatow film, this one is way better than Drillbit, but still a far cry from Knocked Up or 40-Year Old Virgin. The premise is so unoriginal, but what the movie accomplishes is making a star of Mila Kunis, the chick who makes forgetting Sarah easier. I’ve never watched That 70s Show before, so she was new to me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she becomes a star after this. I went in with a fat crush on Kristen Bell, but came out loving Mila.

So, the film pretty much follows the Apatow template. It’s inconsistently hilarious, overly long, full of heart, saggy in the middle, and totally enjoyable. Pound for pound, that’s still a better formula than 90% of what else is out there.

Score: 7

Baby Mama
30 Rock is the best sitcom on television and Tina Fey is on the cusp of major stardom, all of which shows there remains some glimpses of hope for this country. Unfortunately, Tina did not write Baby Mama and that’s a huge fact because the vehicle is beneath her. She should write her own movies.

Maybe it was the audience I saw it with, but there were several awkward silences, where you knew a moment of silence was included in the film so as to allow for the outburst of laughter. When they don’t happen, movies tend to sink fast. The editing should have been snappier, the tone more consistent, and the story more fleshed out. Tina plays a professional who, you know, would never bond with someone like Amy Poehler’s character, so that’s the first mistake. Then, there is the whole sneaky plot about whether or not the baby will actually belong to Tina. There’s even an unnecessary courtroom scene to determine it. Plus, they commit my cardinal sin but basing a whole subplot on something that could be cleared up if someone just told someone else something instead of keeping it a secret.

Everyone’s so likable that you forgive a lot, but it isn’t honestly that good.

Score: 5

Speed Racer
The one and only reason to see this is the one and only reason I went in the first place, to see amazing visuals on the big screen. It’s the most vibrant and colorful film I’ve ever seen, almost cartoonish. Actually not almost, more like flat out. But, there is nothing else to recommend. Even the visuals get old after a while. It should have been in 3D or something. Think of this as a modern day TRON. Beyond being cool to look at, was TRON any good? Not really.

Speaking of which, everyone’s skin looks flawless, certainly a preemptive strike against HD, which is what this movie was ultimately created for, no doubt.

There’s a whole subplot around corporate corruption that will be lost on the kids that see this. Be warned, this is almost entirely a kid’s movie. I was amazed the Wochawski (sp) brothers were even capable of writing such a thing, especially considering one of them is now a tranny.

I have to say, poor John Goodman. He appears to may have lost a couple pounds, but I still worry that he’s going to explode at any second. You can hear him breathing, he just doesn’t look well. Someone just get him on a treadmill, we don’t want to lose him.

Score: 3

Lost Gem of the 80s #4: Some Kind of Wonderful - Soundtrack (1986)

Hopefully, you've voted in the poll on the right. It's one of the most important questions of our generation. (I am shocked, SHOCKED, Ferris is in first and BC in last. I would have totally had that reversed). My vote went to Some Kind Of Wonderful, but when I think about why, I come back to the soundtrack. Much of my affection for the film comes from my appreciation for the mood and attitude created by the songs.

The soundtrack is a collection of songs by mostly underground bands you've probably never heard of. The biggest names are the Jesus and Mary Chain (oddly the most forgettable song on the album, though still a good one), and maybe Pete Shelley (Buzzcocks lead singer) and Stephen "Tin Tin" Duffy (an early member of Duran Duran, and sort of successful solo artist), but only die hards would know who those two are. The beauty of the album is in the strength of the tunes. While they do sound unmistakably 80s, they also sound like the best the 80s underground had to offer. It manages to sound of its time, but never dated.

There was one modest hit in Flesh For Lulu's "I Go Crazy" which is still one of the greatest new wave singles of the era. Chances are you know it and don't know you know it. The rest are all mysteries with names like the March Violets, Furniture, Lick the Tins, and Apartments. It would be interesting to research each of their output beyond this soundtrack because all of it is solid. The Lick the Tins track is especially cool, a sort of Irish hootenanny version of "Can't Help Falling In Love". It starts with some Burumbi drums, then introduces one of those Irish whistles, and then the lead singer's baby girl voice. Before it ends, you get fiddles and a Pogues-like jam erupts. Genius. Another song, "Cry Like This" by Blue Room, sounds like an eerie version of "Lady In Red". That doesn't sound cool, but it is.

Sadly, two of the best songs in the film don't appear on the album for some reason. Both Propaganda's "Dr. Mabuse" and Charlie Sexton's "Beat's So Lonely" are missing. Shame since they would have complimented what is there wonderfully.

Still, this remains a near perfect sampler of 80s underground new wave. It deserves to sit in a time capsule for discovery by future generations.

The Nugget - "I Go Crazy". It's the hit that deserves to whet your appetite.

Please Watch Aliens In America

I just need to give a shout out to a great show that is totally off the radar. Aliens In America is on the CW on Sundays right after Everybody Hates Chris (another great ignored show). It gets poor ratings and is considered “on the bubble” to come back next season.

I’m sure that doesn’t mean much to any of you because almost no one watches it, but it’s a great show, very funny and real and subtle and deserves a bigger audience. It’s very much in the same vein as Wonder Years, in that it’s about awkward adolescence, simple humanity, has no laugh track, is narrated by the main character, and it isn’t filmed on a sound stage.

It’s basically the story of nerdy high schooler, Justin Tolchuk, and his life and family in suburban Wisconsin. His parents are nice and loving, but goofy, and his sister is younger and hot and popular. His parents decide to try and broaden their kids horizons and agree to take in an exchange student, only to find out he’s from Pakistan. This is the source for a lot of great comedy, but the show is never one-note and it’s only one of many story lines they glean for laughs.

To best appreciate it, I would seek out the pilot. Maybe you can view it online. If not, set your DVRs and give it a couple weeks. Admittedly, even with as much as I like it, I often forget how much until I’m actually watching it. So, try it more than once. Chances are you’ll smile a lot.

I Liked That Song The First Hundred Times I Heard It

Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Walken have become parodies of themselves. They’re the acting equivalent of that song you liked the first few times you heard it and now you can’t stand it because you’ve heard it so much. You know what they are, they’re the human version of “500 Miles” by the Proclaimers. Remember how novel that was at first? Now, does it even register with anyone anymore? No way. Ask yourself this, if an actor appears in everything, does their presence still mean anything? The answer is no.

While both have appeared in many hits, neither has anchored a hit by themselves for years, if ever. For SLJ, since 2000, he’s only anchored two hits, both modest (Coach Carter and Unbreakable and those are pushing it), while sinking several (Snakes On A Plane, Shaft, The Man, Formula 51, the list is endless). CW gave up headlining a film decades ago, in favor of lending his shtick to every project that would pay him. The guy averages 4 films a year. Four! And he’s the same in almost every one. Do people still find that fresh or funny? SLJ is even worse, averaging 5!! Their presence has become so ubiquitous that seeing Matt Lauer every morning carries more anticipation.

Why do film investors think having their names attached to something means better box office? Or, artistic acclaim for that matter? Neither of them have that kind of pull. And, what they do bring to a film is so marginal. We get it, Sam is going to act righteous and Chris is going to act twitchy and isn’t that funny for the millionth time. Is their something comforting about them that I’m missing? For instance, Alec Baldwin seems to have a hard time saying no to scripts these days too, but having him in something has come to be a reason TO see it, not to stay away. Do SLJ and CW engender similar feelings in film goers and I’m just not aware of it? If so, tell me the last time you went to a movie to see them? Wedding Crashers, Star Wars, Hairspray, and The Incredibles don’t count. No one saw those because of either of these clowns.

Like any artist that won’t go away (Elvis Costello, I’m looking at you) overload weakens your status and makes you invisible to consumers. If either of them took a year (or two) off and then came back with a juicy role in a good film, they may be able to revive their credibility. It may even become an event to see them act again. For now, they’re obviously collecting paychecks and they do it at our expense. Let us miss you, please! Now go away!

Dora's Negative Influence

Georgia will only watch two shows on TV, Pardon The Interruption (bless her) and Dora, and PTI she gives up on shortly after it starts. While I’m pleased she isn’t yet the TV addict her parents are, I sometimes wish it was a different program that caught her attention.

I know it means well, but I can’t help but feel like Dora is a subtle way of nationalizing illegal immigrants, sort of like when you have to choose English at the ATM. Seems innocent enough, but the fact that it’s there sheds some light on the annoying and infuriating reasons for its existence.

I don’t want them to be accommodated, I want them to LEAVE! I don’t subscribe to this “we’re all immigrants” philosophy and, crazy as it sounds, I worry that we’re at the beginning stages of letting our culture and quality of life get away from us. We’re basically handing it over. Eventually, they aren’t all going to be custodians and landscapers and burger flippers, they’re going to be in positions of power. That’s already starting to happen, and that’s great and better than the alternative, but pretty soon Americans will be the minorities in this country and by the time we see it, it’ll be too late.

Because money is what motivates this issue, it could also easily be the solution. If the government were to heavily fine employers who give undocumented workers jobs, they would stop. Once it became more expensive to keep them than to let them go, they would be gone. But, this doesn’t happen because, I believe, there is collusion going on behind the scenes. Politicians know it annoys most of us, but they’re totally influenced by money and lobbyists and big business so they can give us the lip service without actually being proactive about solving the problem because not solving it is in their (and their investors) best interest.

Now, I have no problem with legal immigrants. Just follow the rules, is all we ask. Consider, however, what the Mexican financial infrastructure would be like if all these industrious, hard working Nationals stayed put and built up their own country. They wouldn’t need to come here for a “better life”.

And I get that they do the jobs Americans won't do, at least not for better pay. I've resigned myself to that fact. But, one reason for that may be the stigma attached to such jobs. They now seem beneath most of us. That shouldn't be the case, but it is. Plus, don't we have enough workers in this country for our needs by now? With the housing market in the toilet, couldn't all those guys who were building houses and yards, now go do something else? What if they worked for Waste Management by separating our recyclables from the rest of our garbage, since most of us are too lazy to do it. That would be a noble endeavour at least. Actually, I've never understood why that isn't already a marketable skill.

I'm looking forward to voting for Mr. Obama (hopefully) in November, but this is one topic where he and I differ. In fact, we differ enough to almost make me want to vote for Hilary, but not quite. I'm not there... yet. Unfortunately, she has that unattractive quality that Al Gore had that caused me to vote for W that election. Of course, I've been regretting that move ever since.

So, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, I say Cinco de MY ASS!

Flushed Down The Johns

A coworker and I were recently casting the movie of our office. There’s the guy that’s built like Brad Pitt, there’s the guy that’s short and dark like Tom Cruise, there’s the big bald guy like Vin Diesel, there’s the attractive working mom like Jennifer Garner, etc. When casting myself, the first and only name I could think of or want was John Cusack. I feel like I grew up with him and, based on some of his films, we seem to share similar tastes and sensibilities.

But, then I reflected on what John’s given us the last 10 years or so and I realized he may promote himself as the left-of-center thinking man’s (and woman’s) movie star, but he’s really as full of crap as the next guy. How can someone feel he deserves some some street-cred and then go on to star in Must Love Dogs, Martain Child, and Serendipity? John Cusack doesn’t even make movies that “John Cusack” would go to anymore.

There have been the occasional bright spot. Ice Harvest was great, but ignored. Being John Malkovich is an obvious classic, but I forget he’s even in it. I had to go back to 1994 to find two good and challenging roles in a row (The Road To Wellville and Bullets Over Broadway, both ensemble pieces (hint)). Instead, I see dreck like America’s Sweethearts and Pushing Tin.

Ok, I’m sure all of you are wondering why I would skip High Fidelity, since it’s such my kind of movie. Good point. I’m realizing HF is not aging well and I have a hard time even watching it now, after it was among my all-time faves upon its release. He just talks to the camera the whole time?! Plus, his character isn’t likable and seems to act selfishly and illogically a lot. The scene where he finds out his #1 married her childhood sweetheart makes me cringe every time now. Yes, it’s good and a definite highlight comparatively. But, it’s not as great as we thought it was when it came out.

John seems to still be coasting on the goodwill afforded him from his 80s work, specifically Say Anything, Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, and The Sure Thing. Back then he embodied the every-teenager and seemed to represent all of us on screen, whether we were cool or not. He was normal looking, normal acting, smart, had good taste, funny, and seemed vulnerable at the same time. Now, he’s a bloated, pasty bore who can’t make up his mind what color to dye his hair to hide the grey. I’m serious on this. Most of the time it’s black, but in the right light, like on his episode of Inside The Actors Studio (yawn), it’s a sort of cherrywood brown. It looks like he uses the same box of Clairol Paul McCartney is into these days. Plus, does he only wear black now?

And, honestly, he isn’t much of an actor. He has no range. It spans from “normal guy obsessed with a woman” to “normal guy obsessed with death”. Even when he does try to act, like in 1408, he’s hard to even look at. That movie was terrible.

His new movie is called War Inc. and he says it’s sort of “punk rock” Hmm, a punk rock war movie from a total sell-out, sounds riveting! Good luck, buddy. We love you, but we aren’t buying this act anymore.

Which brings me to the biggest sell-out of all-time: Johnny Depp. Oh man, does this guy work the most perfect con ever. He says he is anti-establishment, yet has no problem allowing his likeness to appear on Happy Meal boxes. He claims he only did acting to support himself while his band tried to get signed. Where’s that band now, John? Obviously, taking a backseat to pirate movies. He says he agreed to do the Pirates almost "as a joke", but he likes cashing $20 million paychecks as much as the next guy. He says he doesn’t want to sell himself on his looks, but he doesn’t think of that when he poses for the cover of countless magazines, including Rolling Stone like 3 or 4 times in the last 4 years. Of course, Rolling Stone is to hard news what Johnny is to rebellion – a total poser. Plus, how gay is that cover photo! These guys are nihilists?

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good actor. I would have given him the Oscar for the first Pirates, even if Finding Neverland and Sweeney Todd were boring mush. I’m just not buying this BS anymore. Put the necklaces and bracelets down, take a shower, and come clean. You’re a total poser and you know it.

Tune in next time for the second installment of “Actors who were once cool, but now are only mugging, clowning shells of their former selves” starring Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino.

Lost Gem Of The 80s #3: Brian Setzer - "The Knife Feels Like Justice" (1986)

Never one to let a trend pass him by, Brian Setzer’s first post-Stray Cats solo album touched on the heartland rock he saw acts like Bruce Springsteen, REM, and U2 (and to a lesser extent, The Alarm and John Fogerty) making boatloads of money on; singing about the trials and travails of the American West. So, he traded in the rock-a-billy of the Cats for the jangly, Byrds-y guitars and earnestness of that same Farm Aid-ish 80s politics that was the style of the day. Knife finds him in a weird holding pattern (he would breakout the Brian Setzer Orchestra about 7 years later and reunite woth the Cats off and on), looking for a new identity (or muse, to be honest) to hook himself to. He would never go back to this sound again.

Knife straddles a fine line between curio and legit release. So, you can ask yourself, “after hearing it once out of curiosity, is it worth putting on again?” The answer is yes. It isn’t groundbreaking and it doesn’t compare to all the similar albums of the era, but the songs are strong and Setzer’s a pro no matter what genre he tries out.

A scan of the tracklist will tip you off to what you’re in for with titles like “Haunted River” (check out the pompi-mullet, not to mention the out-of-his-mind guitar playing), “Radiation Ranch”, “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”, and especially the title track. And, can you guess who the “Three Guys” are of the song by the same name? Yep, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, “three guys I like the most”. Huh? Brian Setzer is saying this? What happened to “Sexy + 17” or “Rumble In Brighton”? He traded in the Cadillacs for songs about “outlaws”, “raging storms” and “blood and whiskey” running through the veins.

The album is pretty hard to find, but it’s a good one.

The Nugget - "The Knife Feels Like Justice". It was the single and still sounds like a barn burner. Plus, Brian channels his inner Peter Buck, which is always good. "Haunted River" is also excellent.