A question was posed at church recently, “have you ever offered a prayer of gratitude?” No “please bless so and so” or “please help me to do x”. Just thanks from beginning to end. Here’s what first popped into my mind.
In early 2000, I was working in the BYU newsroom as the Associate Sports Editor for the Daily Universe, but my heart was, and still is, on the Lifestyles page. That’s where the real action was. The action I cared about anyway. So, I would occasionally moonlight for the other section if I had a good enough idea. This one seemed worthy.
The Smashing Pumpkins were about to release their last album (until their recent regrouping) and were making public appearances in more out of the way places to drum up pub for the record. By this point, they had passed their prime and needed to do something drastic to reconnect to their audience. The plan included a stop and performance at a small cd store in Sandy, UT called Tom Tom CD Exchange, which I’m sure is out of business by now (like every other music store). I had shopped there in my youth as it stood in the parking lot of Sandy Starship where you could see a double feature for a buck. Though I’ve never cared for the band, this was right up my alley. This is what I was born to do.
I’m sitting in the newsroom telling this to my friend Ryan Rauzon and saying how I wish I could go. Within about 5 minutes, he swindled two press passes, one for each of us. The show was the next day. He’s the man at that kind of stuff.
Ryan eventually bailed so I hit it alone. To this day, it was probably the most exciting moment of my journalism career. When I arrived, scores of other press types were there, collected by the back door to avoid the crowd at the front, which was nearing 1000. The store could only hold about 100. I stood in the parking lot, hob-knobbing with Keith McCord of KSL, Bill Allred of 96.3 (my fave station) among others. I still remember hounding Bill about why radio never plays the hot new underground stuff (I remember using Underworld as an example). This was me hanging out with my peers covering a story we all cared about. I was fairly new to the journalism gig, so I felt like the biggest poser, but no one knew. In fact, I got the phone number of a cute Salt Lake Tribune writer named Debbie before the night was over. You know, just a couple of professionals finding common ground. My posing was fooling everyone.
Finally, the band came out and played about 7 songs. I remember thinking that I didn’t normally like them, but what they were playing wasn’t bad, including “1979”, a song I absolutely can’t stand normally. Some of the press had left before it even began, as they were just there to get the shot of them reporting live from the venue before heading back to the station. So, I sat in the designated press area watching an important band performing to hundreds of wide-eyed kids, some of whom had driven thousands of miles just to catch a glimpse. After the show I briefly interviewed Billy Corgan (Me: “So, Billy, how do you think the show went?” Him: “We SUCKED!”), flirted with Debbie, interviewed some of the audience and headed out. I think the Pumpkins’ next stop was Boise.
I unlocked the car, climbed in, and instinctively sat forward, craning my neck upwards out the windshield and said “Thank you”. It was a natural as breathing, completely reflexive. This was the moment in my life, and there have only been a few, where my dreams and reality intersected and allowed me to feel what it was like to do exactly what I had always wanted to do. I know “Thank You” is a mighty small prayer, but it said it all. This was around the same time as the movie “Almost Famous” (which made my insides ache in envy), so the messages I felt like I was getting were that if I wanted to pursue this for my life, that I just might make it. I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier.
Of course, I strayed from that path for reasons that have been really haunting me lately, so there weren’t too many other moments like that. Some really torturous thoughts have been creeping in about following my heart vs. being practical and “what if’s” etc. That's a whole other story. But, it makes this moment especially meaningful. Can you think about a time in your life when you got exactly what you’d always wanted? I'm not talking about for Christmas. I'm talking about a soul wish. It’s rare and I got to taste it once.
In early 2000, I was working in the BYU newsroom as the Associate Sports Editor for the Daily Universe, but my heart was, and still is, on the Lifestyles page. That’s where the real action was. The action I cared about anyway. So, I would occasionally moonlight for the other section if I had a good enough idea. This one seemed worthy.
The Smashing Pumpkins were about to release their last album (until their recent regrouping) and were making public appearances in more out of the way places to drum up pub for the record. By this point, they had passed their prime and needed to do something drastic to reconnect to their audience. The plan included a stop and performance at a small cd store in Sandy, UT called Tom Tom CD Exchange, which I’m sure is out of business by now (like every other music store). I had shopped there in my youth as it stood in the parking lot of Sandy Starship where you could see a double feature for a buck. Though I’ve never cared for the band, this was right up my alley. This is what I was born to do.
I’m sitting in the newsroom telling this to my friend Ryan Rauzon and saying how I wish I could go. Within about 5 minutes, he swindled two press passes, one for each of us. The show was the next day. He’s the man at that kind of stuff.
Ryan eventually bailed so I hit it alone. To this day, it was probably the most exciting moment of my journalism career. When I arrived, scores of other press types were there, collected by the back door to avoid the crowd at the front, which was nearing 1000. The store could only hold about 100. I stood in the parking lot, hob-knobbing with Keith McCord of KSL, Bill Allred of 96.3 (my fave station) among others. I still remember hounding Bill about why radio never plays the hot new underground stuff (I remember using Underworld as an example). This was me hanging out with my peers covering a story we all cared about. I was fairly new to the journalism gig, so I felt like the biggest poser, but no one knew. In fact, I got the phone number of a cute Salt Lake Tribune writer named Debbie before the night was over. You know, just a couple of professionals finding common ground. My posing was fooling everyone.
Finally, the band came out and played about 7 songs. I remember thinking that I didn’t normally like them, but what they were playing wasn’t bad, including “1979”, a song I absolutely can’t stand normally. Some of the press had left before it even began, as they were just there to get the shot of them reporting live from the venue before heading back to the station. So, I sat in the designated press area watching an important band performing to hundreds of wide-eyed kids, some of whom had driven thousands of miles just to catch a glimpse. After the show I briefly interviewed Billy Corgan (Me: “So, Billy, how do you think the show went?” Him: “We SUCKED!”), flirted with Debbie, interviewed some of the audience and headed out. I think the Pumpkins’ next stop was Boise.
I unlocked the car, climbed in, and instinctively sat forward, craning my neck upwards out the windshield and said “Thank you”. It was a natural as breathing, completely reflexive. This was the moment in my life, and there have only been a few, where my dreams and reality intersected and allowed me to feel what it was like to do exactly what I had always wanted to do. I know “Thank You” is a mighty small prayer, but it said it all. This was around the same time as the movie “Almost Famous” (which made my insides ache in envy), so the messages I felt like I was getting were that if I wanted to pursue this for my life, that I just might make it. I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier.
Of course, I strayed from that path for reasons that have been really haunting me lately, so there weren’t too many other moments like that. Some really torturous thoughts have been creeping in about following my heart vs. being practical and “what if’s” etc. That's a whole other story. But, it makes this moment especially meaningful. Can you think about a time in your life when you got exactly what you’d always wanted? I'm not talking about for Christmas. I'm talking about a soul wish. It’s rare and I got to taste it once.
5 comments:
Keep writing from the soul bro.... Best post yet
What a great entry, Jon. I LOVE it. I think often about "filling the measure of our creation" (we hear that a lot in the Church), and you have just described it perfectly. A soul wish - when the planets align and we are our best self, the self we were created to be. Dad said he experienced his soul wish when he conducted the choir and orchestra at Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen. Thank you for your great insights, Jon. I think one soul wish for me is reading about yours. Love you, Mom
i remember it well. a great story came of it, too, right? awesome. keep these coming.
Yeah, I can, but I'm not going to post it on your blog. I'll tell you later. And no, it's not dirty....
I love that "soul wish". What a great entry! Thank you, thank you for always making me think. I need to be reminded, I guess. Four kids leaves me no time to think...
still thinking...
...some things come to mind...don't think I could type it...wouldn't make sense...motherhood and marriage and stuff like that...doesn't sound nearly as exciting as Smashing Pumpkins and conducting in Sweden!!
I love you!
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